US of Anderson

Today I give the Internet everything I’ve got: ORANGE MAN SOLO GROUP.

Dressed in orange face in 110 degree heat, I walk the Vegas strip with a recorder and a jazzy step, demonstrating to the world that a Solo Orange Man does it better than a Group of Blue Men. And as one Vegas tourist said to me: “This is embarrassing as heck, but gutsy as hell.”

Please watch, comment and send to friends or bored internet-surfing relatives. And then please visit the official Orange Man Solo Group website for all your Orange Man Solo Group Needs. Orange Man Solo Group is NOW available for:

Bar-Mitzvahs
Birthday Parties
Tupperware Parties
Gay Weddings
Grocery Store Grand Openings
Dance Recitals
Car Dealership Promotions
Romantic Evenings at Home
&
Keynote Speaking

Blue Man Group is a peerless theatrical experience. As an individual, I,  David “Dave”, am a singular experience of stunning theatrics. No brainer. I must have a crack at joining Las Vegas’ Blue Man Group. They need my agile creativity; I need to give back to America.

In this well-crafted episode, I take Nikolai to meet my old college friend, Scotty, a real-life Blue Man on the Vegas Strip. Surprised by my visit, Scotty thinks it best to immediately give me an impromptu audition, as he knows talent like mine gets swooped  up real fast in a town as cutting-edge as Vegas (Carrot Top, need I say more?). What transpires even shocks me it. It’s organic.

Oh, and you also get to see Nikolai do some Soviet-era drumming.

Like Thelma and Louise, Nikolai and I aren’t looking in the rearview mirror. We’re on the road at long last in search of freedom, our future, a female Brad Pitt with whom to have a passionate affair at a Motel 6 with adjoining IHOP. Nikolai likes to wolf down Swedish pancakes drizzled in lingonberries after a roll in the hay. What a bloody Casanova!

Unfortunately in this episode you won’t see my passionate Russian bear tear apart Motel 6’s 15 thread-count sheets, but you will see us with some impressive artillery. I’m talking about big tanks at a military base in the desert outside of Las Vegas. And you’ll see us taking in one of Las Vegas’s seven wonders of the strip, the Luxor Hotel’s Egyptian Sphinx. It puts the real Sphinx to shame, if you ask me. I mean in Egypt you’d never be able to see such ruins and Carrot Top in the same day. The Luxor delivers where ancient civilizations failed.

A New York Times article this week suggested that Las Vegas is facing its deepest slide since the 1940s. As you will see in this episode and upcoming ones, Nikolai and I were oblivious. It feels good to look a recession in the face and only see the boobs of a showgirl. Obama might want to consider revising his economic stimulus plan. Bernanke in sequins, feathers, and thong?

Thanks to all of you who have made the launch of season two such a success. Our Weezer video is now at over 47,000 views! Awesome. Keep spreading the word about this project that is still mired in unpaid invoices and angry creditors who don’t have a sense of humor.

Next week you’ll see Nikolai and I audition for Blue Man Group. It’s worth calling in sick to work. Bad bean n’ cheese burrito last night is a great excuse. Emphasize the “bean n’ cheese”, it freaks out office managers No one wants that kind of intestinal issue near the copier.

John Mayer is an American institution. His mouth is a maverick of the American music scene, and it often says things that it shouldn’t, which is cool when you’re an adult contemporary rocker. His music describes the female form in nuance not heard since Sting sang about his wife’s fields of gold. And JM’s music is so alluring that it gets him Brad Pitt’s sloppy seconds. An American hero, right up there with Sinatra.

In this episode I take Nikolai to see John Mayer. He’s not the John Mayer, but his name is John Mayer, and he’s an old friend of mine. I feel so tickled to be able to offer such a treat to Nikolai. With our backstage access the world is our oyster.

In fact, you’ll see me performing a duet with this John Mayer. It’s a song I wrote entitled, “Up on My Feet Again”. It’s a redemptive ditty that will certainly make your next mix tape. Download it for free here (It’s the studio recording! And much improved from the version heard in this episode.)

I should also note that the John Mayer in this episode performs under the name John Elliott with his band, The Hereafter. He’s legitimate. Seriously. Nikolai likes John Elliott’s music a lot, and so do I.

Throughout history all great men have had a trim of the hairs before commencing on a life-changing journey. Robert E. Lee before Gettysburg, Norman Schwarzkopf before Desert Storm and John Edwards and his finely coiffed $400 hairdo before his momentous run for the presidency.

In this episode Nikolai and I join these American heroes and hit a Hollywood barbershop for a little sheering of our shag. Nikolai was reticent, frustrated that we were delaying our departure from L.A. again. YES, we will eventually leave LA-LA Land, but as I explained to Mr. Ants in the Pants Russki, if he waltzes into a bar in Vegas looking like an Irish sheep dog, I’m not gonna meet any ladies. And isn’t that why any of us leave home in the first place?

Speaking of ladies, you’ll notice in this episode a drawing I did of Jennifer Aniston (pasted below). She and I share much in common, including a last name that begins with “A” followed by an “N”. According to People Magazine, John Mayer is still mourning his break-up with her. That made me very sad. Her body truly is a wonderland and I think I’ve captured it with my pen. Feel free to download and add as your screensaver. It’s certainly is a conversation piece.