EPISODE 12 – Orange Man Solo Group

October 22nd, 2010

Today I give the Internet everything I’ve got: ORANGE MAN SOLO GROUP.

Dressed in orange face in 110 degree heat, I walk the Vegas strip with a recorder and a jazzy step, demonstrating to the world that a Solo Orange Man does it better than a Group of Blue Men. And as one Vegas tourist said to me: “This is embarrassing as heck, but gutsy as hell.”

Please watch, comment and send to friends or bored internet-surfing relatives. And then please visit the official Orange Man Solo Group website for all your Orange Man Solo Group Needs. Orange Man Solo Group is NOW available for:

Birthday Parties
Tupperware Parties
Gay Weddings
Grocery Store Grand Openings
Dance Recitals
Car Dealership Promotions
Romantic Evenings at Home
Keynote Speaking

EPISODE 11 – Blue Man Audition

October 10th, 2010

Blue Man Group is a peerless theatrical experience. As an individual, I,  David “Dave”, am a singular experience of stunning theatrics. No brainer. I must have a crack at joining Las Vegas’ Blue Man Group. They need my agile creativity; I need to give back to America.

In this well-crafted episode, I take Nikolai to meet my old college friend, Scotty, a real-life Blue Man on the Vegas Strip. Surprised by my visit, Scotty thinks it best to immediately give me an impromptu audition, as he knows talent like mine gets swooped  up real fast in a town as cutting-edge as Vegas (Carrot Top, need I say more?). What transpires even shocks me it. It’s organic.

Oh, and you also get to see Nikolai do some Soviet-era drumming.

EPISODE 10- Big Tanks & a Sinful Sphinx

October 3rd, 2010

Like Thelma and Louise, Nikolai and I aren’t looking in the rearview mirror. We’re on the road at long last in search of freedom, our future, a female Brad Pitt with whom to have a passionate affair at a Motel 6 with adjoining IHOP. Nikolai likes to wolf down Swedish pancakes drizzled in lingonberries after a roll in the hay. What a bloody Casanova!

Unfortunately in this episode you won’t see my passionate Russian bear tear apart Motel 6’s 15 thread-count sheets, but you will see us with some impressive artillery. I’m talking about big tanks at a military base in the desert outside of Las Vegas. And you’ll see us taking in one of Las Vegas’s seven wonders of the strip, the Luxor Hotel’s Egyptian Sphinx. It puts the real Sphinx to shame, if you ask me. I mean in Egypt you’d never be able to see such ruins and Carrot Top in the same day. The Luxor delivers where ancient civilizations failed.

A New York Times article this week suggested that Las Vegas is facing its deepest slide since the 1940s. As you will see in this episode and upcoming ones, Nikolai and I were oblivious. It feels good to look a recession in the face and only see the boobs of a showgirl. Obama might want to consider revising his economic stimulus plan. Bernanke in sequins, feathers, and thong?

Thanks to all of you who have made the launch of season two such a success. Our Weezer video is now at over 47,000 views! Awesome. Keep spreading the word about this project that is still mired in unpaid invoices and angry creditors who don’t have a sense of humor.

Next week you’ll see Nikolai and I audition for Blue Man Group. It’s worth calling in sick to work. Bad bean n’ cheese burrito last night is a great excuse. Emphasize the “bean n’ cheese”, it freaks out office managers No one wants that kind of intestinal issue near the copier.

BONUS EPISODE! On the Road with Dave and WEEZER

September 13th, 2010

Making Memories with Weezer!

Say it ain’t so, David Dave! You’re that cool? Yup, just like Buddy frickin’ Holly.

In this BONUS episode, I take a break from my road trip and my high school foreign exchange student, Nikolai, for some good ole fashion jamming with the dudes of Weezer.

On the eve of the release of Weezer’s new album, I unleash for the band an original smooth rap and a softer Barry Manilowesque ditty (Leprechaunin’ It and Oh for the Love of Christ). You’ll see how impressed Weezer is.

I was also fortunate enough to introduce the boys to a non-profit Christian camp so near and dear to my heart. Run by my dear grandfather but recently shut down by the state of Wisconsin, Camp Silver– a camp for sexually active Christian children– is a very special place to delight in God’s splendor and read the gospel. In fact, when I hear Weezer’s new kick ass single, Memories, my mind is instantly flooded with my childhood memories of summers at the camp. Unfortunately, Grandpa’s camp is experiencing some hard times and legal issues, but with your help, it could once again bring joy to so many good Christian kids.

Buy a T-shirt here or donate to USofAnderson, and I’ll make sure Grandpa puts 100% of it toward the save Camp Silver fund. Weezer is even contemplating donating a portion of their Hurley album sales to the cause. Thanks guys!

Long live Weezer and long live Camp Silver!

EPISODE 9 – A Rap for an L.A. Woman

September 7th, 2010

Daisy Dukes! Bikinis on top! It’s the start of season two of USofAnderson! Welcome back. Nikolai and I spent the summer assembling a nice tight package of episodes that span this great country. Yes, we are officially leaving Los Angeles this season.

But before we blow this town, we felt it necessary to introduce you to a true L.A. woman: my old high school friend, Kirsten. (We used to make out in the school auditorium at night).

She’s an L.A. woman to the bone, and in this episode we stop by for some cold beers and a little conversation. I’ll admit, my ticker still pitter patters for her sweet smile, and as I think you’ll see, she wouldn’t mind having my boots under her bed either.

You’ll also see and hear one of my more powerful raps, Leprechaunin’.

It speaks to the issues young adults are facing these days. And it will really impress Kirsten. Watch out Eminem and Brother Ali, there’s another white boy with mad rhymes.

EPISODE 8-John Mayer is an American Institution.

May 26th, 2010

John Mayer is an American institution. His mouth is a maverick of the American music scene, and it often says things that it shouldn’t, which is cool when you’re an adult contemporary rocker. His music describes the female form in nuance not heard since Sting sang about his wife’s fields of gold. And JM’s music is so alluring that it gets him Brad Pitt’s sloppy seconds. An American hero, right up there with Sinatra.

In this episode I take Nikolai to see John Mayer. He’s not the John Mayer, but his name is John Mayer, and he’s an old friend of mine. I feel so tickled to be able to offer such a treat to Nikolai. With our backstage access the world is our oyster.

In fact, you’ll see me performing a duet with this John Mayer. It’s a song I wrote entitled, “Up on My Feet Again”. It’s a redemptive ditty that will certainly make your next mix tape. Download it for free here (It’s the studio recording! And much improved from the version heard in this episode.)

I should also note that the John Mayer in this episode performs under the name John Elliott with his band, The Hereafter. He’s legitimate. Seriously. Nikolai likes John Elliott’s music a lot, and so do I.

EPISODE 7 – Hollywood Haircuts or: how to style your hair like Jennifer Aniston

January 25th, 2010

Throughout history all great men have had a trim of the hairs before commencing on a life-changing journey. Robert E. Lee before Gettysburg, Norman Schwarzkopf before Desert Storm and John Edwards and his finely coiffed $400 hairdo before his momentous run for the presidency.

In this episode Nikolai and I join these American heroes and hit a Hollywood barbershop for a little sheering of our shag. Nikolai was reticent, frustrated that we were delaying our departure from L.A. again. YES, we will eventually leave LA-LA Land, but as I explained to Mr. Ants in the Pants Russki, if he waltzes into a bar in Vegas looking like an Irish sheep dog, I’m not gonna meet any ladies. And isn’t that why any of us leave home in the first place?

Speaking of ladies, you’ll notice in this episode a drawing I did of Jennifer Aniston (pasted below). She and I share much in common, including a last name that begins with “A” followed by an “N”. According to People Magazine, John Mayer is still mourning his break-up with her. That made me very sad. Her body truly is a wonderland and I think I’ve captured it with my pen. Feel free to download and add as your screensaver. It’s certainly is a conversation piece.

EPISODE 6 – The Agent or: how to easily find representation in Hollywood

January 19th, 2010

USofAnderson is dedicated to providing fresh content on a weekly basis. It’s a commitment we take seriously, but sometimes people (i.e., Nikolai) act like boneheads and accidentally erase hard drives to make room for video art footage of petting zoo animals. GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENTY!

Nonetheless, the Nissan Sentra has been righted and we’re back on track. In this episode, I reach out to one of my many Hollywood connections in hopes of getting Nikolai some top-tier representation for his video art. It’s a fascinating insider’s look at the Hollywood machine; I’m honored to peel back the Tinseltown onion.

That said, you can have the best agent into the world, but you are your own best representation. That’s why I leave my business card at every urinal I visit, and why I’ve taken to Twittering. Please, come follow me.

Additionally, I’d be much obliged if you joined the USofAnderson Facebook Fan Page. It’s a great way to meet like-minded individuals and get close to that handsome, dashing, available Nikolai. It’s very hard to become his friend on Facebook. He vets each friend request like a Kosmonaut repairing a Sputnik.

Finally, if you join my mailing list, you’ll get personal updates of USofAnderson, and will be entered into a monthly drawing to win signature USofAnderson swag. Seriously.

Episode 5 – Star Homes Tour or: how to get celebrity swag

December 6th, 2009

I would be remiss as an LA host if I did not show Nikolai where the stars live. In this episode I give Nikolai a tour of a posh LA neighborhood. Not only is he wowed by the homes of famous people, but he also gets up close and personal with celebrity hand-me-downs. Featured in one shot is a blender, a blender placed outside the home of Paula Abdul!!! Yup, Nikolai didn’t believe it either. I took him to Paula’s house, saw a perfectly good blender she placed on her curb, and politely asked Nikolai to pick it up.

The stars are just like you and me, except they have more expensive junk.

Episode 4 – Walk of Fame or: how to get a date with Super Girl

November 30th, 2009

As you saw in the previous episode and now this episode, Hollywood Boulevard Supermen, Nikolai is in front of the camera and not behind it. I wanted in these earlier episodes for viewers to get a sense of the Russki before he retreated behind the camera for most of the road trip. Additionally, I wanted Nikolai to take in the splendor that is Hollywood Boulevard. It’s a magical place that consistently gets trashed by the press with such sensational headlines as “Chewbacca arrested for head-butting” (link) or “Elmo charged with aggressive begging” (link) or most recently “Spider Man caught in legal web” (link).

Phooey. It’s a place for superheroes to come down to earth, tickle the tourists’ fancy with $1 photos, and make a little unreported income… You think Stockholm is bad, superhero planets tax the bejesus out of their residents. Social Services, my arse! They’re Superheroes, they don’t need health insurance.