US of Anderson

USofAnderson is dedicated to providing fresh content on a weekly basis. It’s a commitment we take seriously, but sometimes people (i.e., Nikolai) act like boneheads and accidentally erase hard drives to make room for video art footage of petting zoo animals. GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENTY!

Nonetheless, the Nissan Sentra has been righted and we’re back on track. In this episode, I reach out to one of my many Hollywood connections in hopes of getting Nikolai some top-tier representation for his video art. It’s a fascinating insider’s look at the Hollywood machine; I’m honored to peel back the Tinseltown onion.

That said, you can have the best agent into the world, but you are your own best representation. That’s why I leave my business card at every urinal I visit, and why I’ve taken to Twittering. Please, come follow me.

Additionally, I’d be much obliged if you joined the USofAnderson Facebook Fan Page. It’s a great way to meet like-minded individuals and get close to that handsome, dashing, available Nikolai. It’s very hard to become his friend on Facebook. He vets each friend request like a Kosmonaut repairing a Sputnik.

Finally, if you join my mailing list, you’ll get personal updates of USofAnderson, and will be entered into a monthly drawing to win signature USofAnderson swag. Seriously.

I would be remiss as an LA host if I did not show Nikolai where the stars live. In this episode I give Nikolai a tour of a posh LA neighborhood. Not only is he wowed by the homes of famous people, but he also gets up close and personal with celebrity hand-me-downs. Featured in one shot is a blender, a blender placed outside the home of Paula Abdul!!! Yup, Nikolai didn’t believe it either. I took him to Paula’s house, saw a perfectly good blender she placed on her curb, and politely asked Nikolai to pick it up.

The stars are just like you and me, except they have more expensive junk.

As you saw in the previous episode and now this episode, Hollywood Boulevard Supermen, Nikolai is in front of the camera and not behind it. I wanted in these earlier episodes for viewers to get a sense of the Russki before he retreated behind the camera for most of the road trip. Additionally, I wanted Nikolai to take in the splendor that is Hollywood Boulevard. It’s a magical place that consistently gets trashed by the press with such sensational headlines as “Chewbacca arrested for head-butting” (link) or “Elmo charged with aggressive begging” (link) or most recently “Spider Man caught in legal web” (link).

Phooey. It’s a place for superheroes to come down to earth, tickle the tourists’ fancy with $1 photos, and make a little unreported income… You think Stockholm is bad, superhero planets tax the bejesus out of their residents. Social Services, my arse! They’re Superheroes, they don’t need health insurance.

You’ll see in this episode a trailer from my film Beef Boys. (You can see the movie poster on the right column of this page.) I’m proud of my work in this award-winningfilm. When you’re working with the kind of script that I wrote, it’s not hard to act. It flows so smoothly, like sausage through a grinder. I really encourage you to visit the film in its entirety here: http://www.youtube.com/usofbeef.

(Click poster to enlarge)

As you’ll see in this video, I live quite richly, and Nikolai is in for a real treat rooming with me. People always ask me: “David ‘Dave,’ how do you afford such a penthouse apartment with all the accoutrements of an aristocrat?” Swag bags.

As I’ve told Nikolai numerous times, the key is not to get invited to the hottest parties, but to the right parties. I don’t need Sean John cologne (I naturally smell good), but I do need Ziploc sandwich baggies and Saran Wrap, so I make damn sure I’m VIP at the Dow Chemical holiday party each year. If you didn’t know, Dow not only makes the best containers for leftovers, but also some pretty handy other products, such as insulation, breast implants, and napalm.

And unlike most folks, I re-accessorize my apartment yearly because I’m always crashing the Pier One Imports board meetings. That’s right, many corporate board meetings have swag! I yammer on about wicker chairs and how bamboo is the wonder wood, and they’re so impressed (or incensed) by my outpouring that a premium swag bag is in my hand before I know it. I’ve got a set of coconut-shaped salad bowls and flamingo butter knives that are gonna wow my next dinner party guests.

Finally, holiday shopping can be so overwhelming. So I don’t leave the house. I just look at all the items I’ve collected in my swag bags over the years and create little gift baskets of treasures for the family. Aunt Sue is still sending me thank yous for her assortment of Frito Lay chips, travel-size bug spray, and the Iowan Firefighters Calendar, “Hold My Hose ‘09.” It feels good to give.

Welcome to USofAnderson.com and my first video! As you can tell, I’m quite jazzed and juiced about heading on a road trip with Nikolai, and I hope you’ll join me as I document this groundbreaking journey. Today I’m launching three videos, and I plan on adding one new video a week for about the next year. Sure it’s a tall order, but as you’ll come to learn, I, David “Dave” Anderson, eat tall orders for breakfast, normally of flaxseed blueberry pancakes with a drizzle of maple syrup.

Oh, and Nikolai wants me to plug his latest video art. Here it is: www.youtube.com/usofnikolai.  He claims he won The International Minsk Film Festival with this piece. Dubious. You should see the stuff that comes out of Minsk.